He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
