im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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