legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
