I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
