Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
