You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
