I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize