I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
