I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
