Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize