Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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