She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
