I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
