Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
