I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we're making bets on your personal life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Come on in and take your pants off
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