Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize