TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A bitchslap is in order.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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