god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
