I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
