I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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