And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
