She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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