what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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