I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
