It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
