went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
