so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
