For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
