Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
