just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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