I hate all girls vehemently.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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