Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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