When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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