Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
