once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
