after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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