its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
