I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
