take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
