Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
