If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
