I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
