the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
