When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
