I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
