have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
