Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
