This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize