Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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