just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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