haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
