They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
