were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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