you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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