I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
