he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
