Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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