Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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