Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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