I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm eating all of the evidence.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
