sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've blown a few things in my day
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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