I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
