its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
