That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
