So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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