Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
