Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize