I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
