put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
