He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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