I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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