I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
